Misery Loves Company… Or Not

Psh. Whoever wrote that misery loves company must have been a few bricks short of a wall. I mean, Misery does not love company. Company comes over and eats your food and plays on your computer and makes your entire life a nuisance. No. Misery loves to be alone. And it is possible to feel alone, even in a crowd of people. Misery loves to be alone, and then look at everyone else and despise them for being happy. Because sometimes, being miserable feels good. And that’s a very bad thing.

Being miserable is not good. No matter how miserable you think it would be to try and be happy, it’s even worse to be depressed. So don’t try it. It’s like drugs. Drugs are bad, over-baked chocolate chip cookies are very bad, and depression is bad too. (No, I’m not making light of depression or drugs with the chocolate chip cookie comment. I get that it’s serious. It’s bad. But nobody should ever take life too seriously, or they might get depressed. And that’s bad, remember?)

I feel like I need to tread a little bit more lightly around this topic, because I don’t want to accidentally write something that will make somebody misunderstand what I’m trying to say. I over analyze things waaaaay to much. Dang it. Meh. Okay, moving on.

dont-give-up-give-hard-best-demotivational-posters

I think life feels like this a lot. And it’s not fun. Sometimes I wish that bad things just never happened, and we could all be light and fluffy and dance around like cloud fairies in the sky forever. But then I remember that the bad things in life are what help us to truly appreciate the good. And so I have to say good-bye to my cloud fairies and go back home to my life. I’m not going to say reality, because that is false. The reality is not that bad things in life happen and so we should get used to it. That is a vicious, vicious lie. 

The reality is that life is beautiful. And yeah, bad things happen. And yeah, bad people exist. I’m not going to downplay that at all. But I’m not going to say ‘get over it’. I’m going to say ‘yeah, bad things happen. What’re you gonna do about it?

So you can choose to be miserable and stay alone in your little dark corner of the universe, or you can decide to do something about it. You should never sit in the dark and feel those dark, dark feelings. Even if it feels good. Because, and you’re just going to have to trust me on this one, it feels better to be happy. I went to a talk/fireside/motivational speaker thingy a few years ago, and something she said really stuck with me. She talked about how she had felt after her daughter had died in a car crash. And then she said ‘fake it till you make it.’ and at first, I rejected that. I don’t like it when people fake being happy, because I’m really good at telling if they’re faking. Even if they think they’re really good at it, I can just… tell sometimes if a person’s not really happy. But a lot of people can’t. A lot of people just see the surface, because they have their own problems. And that’s okay–I might even say it’s great. Because then it means that they don’t have the rather strange hobby of observing human behavior and the way people interact and react to things. But back to faking happiness.

mio-is-so-happy faking happy

And I’ve pretended I’m fine when I am soooo not fine in a big way before, and so I don’t like it. It just makes you more miserable. Because I think that somewhere, deep down, you really want someone to see through the act and just make you tell them what’s wrong. In some secret, deep and hidden nook in your heart, you want another person to show you a bit of genuine kindness and love and care because it hurts so much to talk and walk and act like your life is so nice and then end up secretly crying in a bathroom stall for a few minutes.

The point is, I didn’t like what she said. It made no sense. So I interpreted it my own way. Life is cool like that–everyone can take something different from the same words. Here’s my take on it.

You don’t have to wake up one day and suddenly be cured. That’s not even realistic. It took me a long time to see life the way I see it today, and I still have problems. I still have moments when I feel tempted to just let myself feel miserable. Because being miserable seems easy. And you can fool yourself into thinking that it’s just…better. But it’s not. It never is. And at first, yeah, it’s hard to see the little good things in life. But it’s possible. So when that woman said ‘fake it till you make it’ I took it like this ‘one step at a time’.

you don’t have to suddenly be the optimist of the year. But try looking at the bright side just a bit more, maybe? And don’t give up. Never give up on feeling happy. Because it is so worth it. Even if you feel like you’re walking down a dark street without anybody there too help you, at least remember that there are street-lamps to illuminated the road. So here’s a poem I wrote one night while contemplating street-lamps and light and hope.

Illumination by: me.

One Light pierced the darkness.

One strand of hope, only.

Alone.

Yet it burns with strength

Illuminating

All.

To the hopeless,

it is life.

So maybe I’m not the best poet. I like it, though. And So I think I will now… recap.

Misery does not love company. People can say that if I’m miserable and you’re miserable, then at least we’re miserable together! But that is simply not true. Depression cannot and should not be generalized. It’s different for everybody.

Being miserable is harder than being happy. It just is.

No matter how good misery might feel at times, it is not your friend.

Acting like it’s all okay won’t help anything. Neither should you be a pessimist. Accepting the bad and looking for the good is the way to go. (actually, I put that in a book I wrote–except it was about how even though we should accept death, we should all look to live.) Just work on being happy. Make a goal to think twenty positive things every day. If not twenty, then ten, or even five.

It is hard work to get back to being happy. You can’t just expect it to all go away all at once. It doesn’t work like that. But it’s not hopeless, either. Never give up.

And it will get better. Life has it’s ups and downs. You will find peace. If you can just hold on through the night, the dawn in so beautiful and so worth it. I can guarantee that, but only if you say with confidence that you will never give up on trying to move and actively make your life better.  Because you will never get to where you want to be if you don’t move a bit yourself. And… that’s all. bye now!

Hikingsboots

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